“I scream, you scream, we all scream…
…for plant-based oatmilk strawberry frozen dessert product!”
Okay, that didn’t flow off the tongue as well as the non-vegan variety; I gotta work on a new rhyme.
But, honest, it’s worth the wait.
Almost shared ritual time. But first…
Preparations:
Rituals are integral to a life of Soul. They are formal and intentional ways to mindfully slow down to be in the moment of the moment that is currently present in our lives. Ritual invites a deep presence that allows for an approach with reverence to anything we wish to make sacred—and anything can be made sacred. Anything can be ritualized—and more things should. Take strawberry ice cream for instance (or rather, and of course better, take plant-based oatmilk strawberry frozen dessert product!). We have forgotten the importance of ritual in our lives; afterall, ask yourself what rituals you engage with currently, which ones did you learn from your elders, and which ones have you passed on to others? It’s a sobering thought. Can you name any that are a regular part of your life right now? If so, you are becoming a rare breed of human—but maybe an aspiring, soon-to-be Elder. I pray that is so. And if not, it’s never too late to invite ritual into your life. You will be surprised at what it does to your Soul and way of being in the world—I promise.
The Catholic mass, and the Mass of Christian Burial are rituals. Because I don’t practice my Catholic faith any more, attending Dad’s funeral Mass brought back a flood of memories—me being a former alter boy with an interest at one point in the seminary. The last mass I attended was mom’s funeral 7 years prior. It was a somber and meaningful moment for me—all the prayers and recitations still vivid. And a source of great pride to see my niece Madi and my son Connor do so well with the readings—I, too, was a lector during many a mass with Msgr. McGrath right there at Holy Rosary.
When we engage in ritual with others, special bonds of belonging, connection, and communion are formed—especially when everyone present engages fully, intentionally, and with clear eyes and opened hearts.
May you be like that now as we prepare to summon an ancestor.
As I’ve delayed this, and then referenced or even teased this for the past month in various blogs, I’ve feared a bit that it’s taken on a life that I didn’t intend. So let me share with you my intentions in offering this upcoming moment with those of you who will join us:
A few days before he died, Dad disclosed to us his favorite flavor of ice cream was strawberry—news of which was BRAND SPANKIN’ NEW to me, and I grew up with the man and we had probably a couple hundred gallons of ice cream in our home over our years together. And never do I recollect strawberry ice cream being in the freezer. But I do recollect, when mom would buy that big container of Neapolitan ice cream, that the chocolate would be devoured first, then the vanilla, and the strawberry always last. And reluctantly at that. So, yeah, okay Dad, we’ll play along with your favorite flavor now.
Is it odd that it’s becoming one of my favorites now too? Funny how that works.
Because you all seem to have been faithful readers (which still amazes me), and many of you have commented or emailed so kindly your thoughts, reflections, and sentiments over the past 8 months of this blog, I thought it only appropriate, after Dad’s death, that WE here, in this blog community, this digital village of Dad’s, that we share in a simple ritual that, I trust, will surface a soulful moment in your place of residence. And if you do play along, in so doing, you will also surface my Dad right there among you—and maybe even an ancestor of your own. This cannot be helped; it is inevitable because HE is the cause and source of the ritual. It’s a conjuring, alchemical process, this soon-to-be ritual of ours: the combining of ingredients, along with the heat of intention and reverence, that becomes something different and deeper—it becomes a gateway to Soul. That is alchemy. And that is how our lives get cooked.
Our shared ritual:
Of course, I am well aware this is completely up to you if you join us in this ritual. You’ve already invested time, weekly, to read these things, far be it for me to hope for more time of yours to engage in ritual. But we will be continuing with this even if we might be alone—and that is okay. Most of the rituals in my life I do alone.
If you do participate, here’s what WE are going to do (modify to fit your circumstances):
Our alchemical ritual ingredients include:
Two pints of Oatly Plant-based Strawberry Ice Cream
A candle
We will also have incense present as we burned incense during Dad’s final dying process
We will have freshly cut roses in a vase—we each held a rose and infused it with love before dropping it into the open grave at the cemetery and we had fresh flowers always in his room as we held his vigil that last 21 days of his life—the flowers represented life and light and color. They reminded us that “this too” could be beautiful. (Those flowers, remember, were saved and offered into mom and dad’s grave to nourish the soil with their infused soul.)
Seeds (we’ve purchased sage to honor the fact Dad grew sage in Toppenish); any kind of seeds would be fine though.
Compost/soil (can you see where I might be headed with this?)
We will have one of my favorite pictures of Dad present (see below—it is the one we used on the cover of his funeral program). You might want to substitute the photo of Dad for a photo of a cherished ancestor of your own that you will be ritualizing—that would be an awesome way to connect our families together during this upcoming moment.
We will ask ourselves to share aloud a favorite memory of Dad—this might be tougher for those who did not know Dad personally. But maybe you can look at some past blog posts if you want to go this far OR summon a memory of your chosen ancestor.
A cell phone camera at the ready
My substack email address: kertlenseigne@substack.com
The exact time of this ritual, which will take place here, in Lake Stevens, Washington on USA Pacific Daylight Saving time, at 4:41 pm (yes, dessert and ritual before dinner!), on Wednesday April 26–exactly six weeks, twelve hours from the moment he took his last breath (which was March 15 at 4:41am. But even I won’t do ice cream THAT early—so we do it in the pm instead of the am!) Of course you don’t have to do this at exactly our time, but if you might, Here’s a fun way to find your local time if you live in a different timezone
We will have a copy of the John O’Donohue poem/blessing below at the ready that we will read, either to ourselves or aloud (this is the one Pat read aloud as an invocation at our graveside service)
And we will have this song queued up ready to play (no worries, I’ll include this link again in the ritual post I’ll send at 4:41 pm on Tuesday so you have plenty of time to preview the ritual before its Wednesday’s appointed time—same with Dad’s picture and the O’Donohue invocation)
And then for the ritual, when I give the final directions (again, on Tuesday afternoon for Wednesday’s ritual) as to how we, here, will proceed, I’ll also be including a link to another video courtesy of Kendra’s daughter McKenna. I want that to be a little more of a surprise.
The Invocation (paraphrased from John O’Donohue with a slight Moxee-inspired revision):
“Though we need to weep your loss, you dwell in that safe place in our hearts where no storm or night or pain can reach you. Let us not look for you only in memory, where we would grow lonely without you. You would want us to find you in presence, besides us when beauty brightens, when kindness glows, and [classic country western] music echoes eternal tones.
[And everywhere where hops are grown, and kindness is needed.]”
Ritual Option #2:
At the appointed time, simply open a pint of “frozen dessert product,” recall a beloved ancestor from your past, reflect upon a memory or something you learned from that person, share your gratefulness for that person by voice aloud or in your silent heart, and ask for their wisdom, guidance, protection, and forgiveness. Add, or not, any of the other ideas from the larger ritual. In the end, you are coming together in community with others who share the same intention. You are ritualizing, with mindfulness and reverence, the experience.
See you next on Tuesday April 25 with the ritual’s steps that I will send out at 4:41 P.M. in plenty of time for you to read through and familiarize yourself with it. Then again, in spirit only, on Wednesday at 4:41 P.M. when we, here, will perform our ritual.
Soulfully,
~kbl
🙏🏼
I’m in for Option 2.