Practicing the Paradoxicals

A VERY different way to Be.

Oct 18, 2024

Back to some serious and explicit Alchemy for a bit. Mine.

Look, to be honest with you (and me), I’m really not writing these posts for anyone else’s benefit than my own. You’ll remember I started this blog/newsletter for family to read the chronicles of my father as he lived and died with us—to keep them informed. Since my Dad’s death, I’ve kept writing. For me. I’ve kept writing for me. I’m no one’s guru and I don’t pretend to be so. Substack is full of honest and genuine-hearted writers who read as if they are leading either a Zen retreat or a self-help workshop. For my taste, there are plenty of experts here and I don’t intend to add my voice to that cacophony.

That being said, I did read something the other day that made me feel a bit better if ever I land in the realm of “do as I say here.” It was something to the effect “No one else has lived the life you’ve lived. When you write about THAT, it should always read as the genuine, one-of-a-kind story that it truly is. As long as you don’t “should” on people, and write just what you know to be true from your own life, who knows, there might just be at least one other person out there who might appreciate your effort and find benefit in it.” (Disclosure: I wrote that part about “shoulding” on people, myself. I don’t like to be “should upon,” so I am mindful of doing that to others. Ask me in the comments if you need clarification on what “shoulding on people” means—though I suspect you get it!)

The Alchemy of a Journey is a self-examination of my life. I want my life to be worth living—so to be in constant dialogue with myself about what it means to ask, then approach answers to, the deep questions—questions like “Who Am I?” “What is my purpose?” “How may I be of best service to others?”—helps me to attain a life I deem worth living.

So, to be crystal, what I’m about to write is for me. If you bother to continue reading, I consider that an honor. If you get something out of my self-reflections, then I consider that the privilege of a lifetime. The comedian Jim Carrey once said “The effect you have on others is the most powerful currency there is.” This was never lost on me—especially when I was a teacher. I was talking with a friend the other day, a former colleague and staff member of mine. We agreed, humbly, that we knew when we were teaching that we were benefitting kids; that we had a positive effect upon their lives. We knew this to be true by the subtle and not so subtle clues they, the kids themselves, give when they know they are being loved and cared for. That IS the most valuable currency there is—because if you have that, aside from getting basic needs met, one really doesn’t have a need for a whole lot of money.

So, if anything here effects you, moves you, causes you to pause, well…then consider me one of the wealthiest men alive. And for the record, I don’t need an electric car brand or space module program to prove to others my wealth. Can I get an…

Over the next few weeks, interspersed with continued Postcards from the Principal’s Office, I want to use this space as my personal journal as I reflect upon some radical and paradoxical practices I’ve been integrating into my life. Mindfulness, meditation, deep reading, writing, movement, ritual, and other Zen/Tao inspired spiritual practices have been integral in the Alchemy of me. These are my chosen tools and skills I’m practicing as I travel down my unique life’s path. I’ve written about some, but I want to reflect more upon four specific practices that, when I first heard each, from very distinct teachers, they initially struck me as counter-intuitive and, indeed, paradoxical. They are so “out of the norm” of expectation that they proved intriguing, such as they came from teachers I highly respected. When that happens for me, that’s an invitation to curiosity and wonder.

I can say this at the start—each has proven very powerful as an anecdote to the chaos of the world; to pain and suffering; and to confusion, disillusionment, fear and despair. I’ll introduce them here briefly, then share a little of how I practice each over the coming weeks. My invitation to you is one of challenge—these may challenge your own beliefs and thinking much like they initially did mine. But maybe this is a moment to suspend judgment and become curious yourself. Again, not to “should” on you—but if you’ve read this far, you’re probably gonna read a bit further. And as I always say, if you are going to invest time and energy into reading anything, you better darn well be getting something out of it!

So here they are, my four radical and paradoxical practices:

I. Don’t Care (or stop caring about how anything turns out).

II. Live doubting even my strongest-held beliefs.

III. Live without Hope.

IV. I’ll name my fourth practice explicitly when the time for it comes—but this one I consider The WAY to live or integrate the first three practices seamlessly into my life so that they become something no longer paradoxical, but rather inevitable outcomes of a way of life we each get to choose for ourselves. I’ve simply chosen a specific way of living that allows not caring, doubting beliefs, and living without hope to be the natural way of things. And as I’ve said above, it’s become THE most powerful life practice of all.

When I’m good at doing these, imperfect as I am, I get closer to an equanimous and joyful life. When I approach each with reverence, equanimity and joy no longer become destinations, they become my path.

For my own benefit only, I look forward to writing more about each of these over the coming weeks. Until then, if you are playing along, maybe you can think about how these might fit within your own life; or think about what you would write about each. That’s not a “should,” that’s an open invitation to curiosity.

Socrates would be proud of you.