Why this interest?
The puzzlement of dying, death, and the potential of eldering an elder
Age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars invisible by day.
~ LongfellowI’ve let it be known to more and more of my peeps that, when I ended up retiring from education, I was going to seriously pursue some form of stewardship and service in the end-of-life realm. Initially, this meant volunteering in hospice care. This still remains my intention—a local hospital is home to a renowned hospice facility and I am keeping up to date on their offering of classes and trainings and service opportunities. Past that, who knows. Whether there is service to be found beyond volunteerism will only be known when those moments arrive. I am, after all, WAY too young to retire!
But for some reason, I’m being drawn there. I figure Dad will be my most profound teacher and provide my most important lessons.
Over the years, I’ve sought wise-teachings and teachers along this path. And have been richly rewarded through many incredible books, authors, philosophies, and spiritual guides. This has opened up a whole ‘nother side to my being—a calling of the Soul if you will.
One of those teachers is a man by the name of Stephen Jenkinson. I think I first came across Jenkinson maybe eight years ago or so when I found the book he authored that put him on the map: “Die Wise.” It’s an incredible, incredible book; one that I’ve read three times already and plan to read again shortly after Dad joins us. It’s not an easy read—and he’s not an easy speaker to follow mainly because he has a very unique way of constructing and weaving language into the world to make better sense of it. But I have found him endlessly mesmerizing. A documentary was made about him and about his work in what he calls “The Death Trade.” The doc is called “Griefwalker” and can be found on YouTube. Interestingly enough, Jenkinson also teamed up recently with a musician, Gregory Hoskins, and they, together, formed a band and went “on the road” to present to the world a show they call “Nights of Grief and Mystery.” A creative mix of spoken-word poetry, readings, story-telling, and music. Kristin and I had the chance to see a show live, in Spokane, in the early Winter of 2019 JUST before the pandemic hit that shut down such live performances. It was GREAT!
Okay… so, if you are following along (and thank you if you are), you are learning this digital journal will be a mix of Dad, what’s brought us (all) here, where we are going (with ‘we’ meaning ourselves as family connected to Dad but also our larger selves as members of a society that does not do death well), and simply my “thinking out loud,” with vulnerability, as I try to makes sense of what will soon be a very close and intimate connection with a beloved one’s aging, budding elderhood, and death.
No hopes, no expectations, just ‘in the moments’ with Dad; some stories I want him to tell us about his life; the discovering of those beautiful stars he’ll share with us in his twilight ebb; and some random thoughts about how to better live life, with deeper connection to Soul and each other, while we, together, celebrate and remember the life of one very proud, gentle, humble and kind, lifelong farmer, who never sought fame or wealth—just a comfortable way to live and support his family in his own dignified and quiet way, in the only way he knew (oh, and to also support the habits of all you beer-loving drinkers! Dad was a lifelong hop farmer in the Yakima valley). A way, as it turned out, that remains a pretty great example for us all on how to do this thing called life in service of something larger than ourselves.
“The world whispers: ‘All we need of you, is that you be human.’”
“You’re not supposed to feel bad for having forgotten; you’re supposed to feel more. That’s the invitation.”
Amen.
