a shift in mindset of not focusing on the “don't” and focusing on the the “how” it affects the person and how it also affects those around them is huge?
That’s an awesome perspective—completely accurate! “How is what you’ve done a reflection of who you want to be? How is that showing others your best self?”
That’s so true and doesn’t get said enough—rules, like so many other things in society, are set up to be administered in an unfair and inequitable way. They place targets on students who, through no fault necessarily of their own, struggle the most with emotional and behavioral regulation.
That was a test of the principal, wasn’t it. How the principal responded gave your son all the information he needed to confirm his suspicions. I’m guessing he was punished for that? All behavior is communication so he was communicating something.
It won’t be a surprise to you to know I had students in my life like your son. Once they learned there was nothing they could do that would make me care less for them (ie love them less), most, as it turned out, became quite close to me, and I with them, because they realized I was never going to give up on them. It takes just one adult in their lives to make a difference—and don’t beat yourself up too much because sometimes that adult, for whatever reason, just cannot be a parent. Sometimes it only clicks much later, after they’ve left my school—I’ve had so many come back to thank me for believing in them even though they treated others poorly.
It was communication that a need wasn’t being met. I can’t remember the consequence of this particular exchange. Still, you are a great educator to teach educators. ♥️
It feels as though you created an environment where the students and teachers learned mutual respect and caring. If only those leading our government would adhere to your vision and apply your strategies.
My kids' public Montessori school really opened my eyes to this concept. There were some district-wide "rules," but in general the teachers all focused more on creating an environment where there were, as you say, expectations and responsibilities that everyone subscribed to. Even the youngest kids could understand "Be Safe, Be Kind, Be Respectful," and apply them. It was so far away from the color-coded behavior charts and sticker systems and such that we saw at other schools, and more effective in my view. I couldn't parent by imposing a bunch of rules, either. I wasn't ever sure what to call our household approach to child management, but I guess expectation-and-responsibility-based would describe it pretty well.
The kids were more than lucky to have you as their principal!!! Such a wise view point and incredible insight + the trust in “No Rules”
You still continue to bring out the best in people. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
🙏☺️
And yet, the kids didn’t know how lucky I was to have them in mine! It was the privilege of a lifetime.
let me try to see if i got the core of the point:
a shift in mindset of not focusing on the “don't” and focusing on the the “how” it affects the person and how it also affects those around them is huge?
That’s an awesome perspective—completely accurate! “How is what you’ve done a reflection of who you want to be? How is that showing others your best self?”
Rules don’t do that.
I LOVE THIS KERT! 😭👏🏽❤️
That’s high praise for me, Jamal. THANK YOU my friend!
This was beautiful to read. Kert, your love and grace for the young is a gift!
What a wonderful way to look at rules setting, especially in schools.
I have had occasions to fight my kid's school (well, not literally, not a fighter by any stretch,😀 but you, know) on some of their rules.
Some of these rules can be useless. Some have outlived their usefulness. (But no, we must mindlessly hold on to them.)
While some are in some cases, quite damaging to the kids. And I'm not having none of that. Not for my kids; or any child for that matter.
Thanks for being the kind of educator, that you are;🙏🏽
That’s so true and doesn’t get said enough—rules, like so many other things in society, are set up to be administered in an unfair and inequitable way. They place targets on students who, through no fault necessarily of their own, struggle the most with emotional and behavioral regulation.
I have a 29-year-old I’d like you to meet. Is it too late? 🤣
He hates rules and authority but selectively decides which authority figures he should treat with honor and respect. I'm not one of them.
I'm just his mother.
I would have loved to have you as his Principal. Maybe, he wouldn't walk into your office and cuss at you. Yep! He did that. 🤦🏽♀️
That was a test of the principal, wasn’t it. How the principal responded gave your son all the information he needed to confirm his suspicions. I’m guessing he was punished for that? All behavior is communication so he was communicating something.
It won’t be a surprise to you to know I had students in my life like your son. Once they learned there was nothing they could do that would make me care less for them (ie love them less), most, as it turned out, became quite close to me, and I with them, because they realized I was never going to give up on them. It takes just one adult in their lives to make a difference—and don’t beat yourself up too much because sometimes that adult, for whatever reason, just cannot be a parent. Sometimes it only clicks much later, after they’ve left my school—I’ve had so many come back to thank me for believing in them even though they treated others poorly.
It was communication that a need wasn’t being met. I can’t remember the consequence of this particular exchange. Still, you are a great educator to teach educators. ♥️
I wish we could clone you, Kert.
It feels as though you created an environment where the students and teachers learned mutual respect and caring. If only those leading our government would adhere to your vision and apply your strategies.
That’s kind of you Paulette. We saw that as our job—to teach mutual respect and caring.
My kids' public Montessori school really opened my eyes to this concept. There were some district-wide "rules," but in general the teachers all focused more on creating an environment where there were, as you say, expectations and responsibilities that everyone subscribed to. Even the youngest kids could understand "Be Safe, Be Kind, Be Respectful," and apply them. It was so far away from the color-coded behavior charts and sticker systems and such that we saw at other schools, and more effective in my view. I couldn't parent by imposing a bunch of rules, either. I wasn't ever sure what to call our household approach to child management, but I guess expectation-and-responsibility-based would describe it pretty well.
I’d simply call it GREAT parenting!
The ultimate payoff comes when at some point in the future, you look at your grown children and realize they are AMAZING people.