I didn't expect to have my eyes well up when I read this -- so, thanks for that. A little weeping is a sign that a door to the heart has opened. This piece reminded me of Mrs. Collins. She was my seventh and eighth grade English teacher. Things were chaotic in my home. I was not the best student and I acted out a lot of my home-life chaos. But Mrs Collins praised my writing; held meaningful conversations with me and I always encouraged me. Because of her, I kept writing, which gave me ways to express the darkness and the light inside of me. I LOVED her. And I know that she loved me.
Thank you for this exquisite piece. At the end of the day, it's love that tames the rough edges of our life -- self-love, love for others, loved by others. Gratitude, Kert.
All kids deserve a Mrs. Collins in their life, right? We would challenge ourselves to BE that person for every child—we would also look around to see which of our students weren’t experiencing that and then plan for some connection and relationship-building (sometimes, it just doesn’t click for one reason or another with any one teacher). Sometimes that adult was an office assistant, sometimes our nurse, sometimes a recess para. Like your Mrs. Collins, it just takes one.
BTW, not knowing if Mrs. Collins is still alive or not, ever consider reaching out to her out of gratitude? I can speak with authority on this—there is no greater thanks than to have a former student reach out (by card, email, call) to express heartfelt gratitude. If you have a minute, and you like the singer Adele, this will resonate: https://youtu.be/nVG7U13Y4cs?si=uG8igD1uGLCh6GtV
I wouldn't know where to begin to find Mrs. Collins. I don't know her first name and given that I'm seventy-two, she is probably in her mid to late eighties. That being said, I acknowledged her in my first book, "A Delightful Little Book On Aging," giving her the heart-felt gratitude that she deserves. Thank you for the Adele song. Big hugs.
Kert. As you might know I share part of your past as a long time student, teacher, principal as well as trustee, parent, grandparent and in the last stage my career, helping schools find their way forward.
I would hang your ten "manifest these" in every school, in every teacher's lounge, in every office and boardroom as a reminder to put head and heart in the right places. It's why we got in this business called education, to help children and adults develop a love of learning, for a lifetime. Thanks for sharing!
You could have just as easily written this too Gary! You have the same heart—can you imagine the school we could create if we were given the charge to create one from scratch?!? BTW, I didn’t realize I had bulleted 10 manifestations—must be some kind of Freudian thing from my Catholic past. But I like your idea! “The Ten Manifestations: Love Commandments to a Better School…For Our Kids.” Hey, that would be an excellent title for the book I’m not writing on all these.
Amusing, that 10, if I counted right. And rather than “commandments” since I shy away from “commands” maybe we could put them as “invtiations’ or put each one in the imperative voice, as in “Do this….” Or start with the action verb. Just thinking out loud from my lips to your ears..
There are some interesting new schools on the horizon not tied to the old, obsolete models. I started or helped start 3 schools partly because I believed in their vision, mission and values for kids and the community. I had a different role in each of the three, all with their respective challenges. The good thing is they are all still going strong a couple of them after 30 years.
"When a student loves their teacher, the teacher can have exceptionally high expectations, and the child will do their level best to meet them..."
This also goes parenting. When a child FEELS loved, whatever high expectations you have of them; they will do their absolute best, not to disappoint you!
Parenting and teaching are synonymous. I think this is the premise of everything YOU write, May. So, we see this world in much the same way. Too many parents nowadays have forgotten they must also teach—instead, they are allowing too many other things to have a greater influence on their children’s lives.
Kert - I love your illustrations. Especially loved the mic drop. I read this on my lunch break from teaching (college). I certainly agree that teaching informs my parenting, but I think parenting informs my teaching more. That is because as I compassionately see my own child's strengths and challenges and the long, slow game of learning I learn to be more compassionate and see my students more.
I had one student once who didn't meet an assignment due date and had reasons (one may interpret as excuses). When I had the hard conversation about this she broke open and shared that she was essentially educationally neglected as a child and didn't develop the skills to manage structured assignments. I personally made a pact with myself to offer more open assistance to students in the future, and she and I agreed on a new due date. Her project came completed and was amazing! I now start my courses but ensuring my students know they can approach me for support without shame. I also always let them know that I realize I am seeing one snippet of their learning journey and will hold their image in my mind in a way that allows growth.
All that aside, when I read your writing here my heart quivered and I could have cried. Can you please un-retire and immigrate to Canada? I will then enrol my son in your school and you will see him in your office regularly. His story is deeper and longer and more personal than I can write here, but he needs to be loved and seen by his teachers so he can follow his passions and know he is wonderful despite not fitting the mold that the group best supports.
Well, rarely am I as impacted by a person’s response than I am now by yours. I LOVE your own personal story of how you taught a human being rather than content. I would love to read more about that maybe in your own post—especially in how your becoming a parent changed who you are as a teacher.
And as for your words about your son, well, that’s heartbreaking. Most of those stories involve our boys too since they, and their behavior, are too often misinterpreted. His story is too familiar and was exactly the motivation I had to lead a school away from traditional punishment/discipline practices toward restorative justice practices. Which will like be a future post of mine.
Lindsay, thank you. Since it looks like we may actually get a Madam President soon, I’m probably not emigrating. But I could be hired as a consultant! My passport is up to date! LOL!
All true. (Including the Madam President please). The asynchronicity of development is challenging. He is a few years "ahead" in literacy but "behind" is some areas of social development. Some adults become all to focused on behaviour compliance and totally fail to see strengths. That being said, it is hard to show one's strengths when stressed! We've been learning at home for a couple years and there are areas of shining brilliance, but he wants to return to school. So a new task for me is to find a team that can treat him with respect, true loving respect. Perhaps I'll get them to call you ;)
“The asynchronicity of development” is so spot on accurate—for most kids too. Maybe, since he wants to return to school (which though anxiety-ridden for his parents, is a huge step toward maturity and independence for him!), this is an opportunity FOR HIM to become a leader and advocate for his own needs. You don’t mention how old he is, but I suspect, with the proper coaching, he could be given the skills and language on how best to talk with his adults to express what he needs (framed in needs, not wants) before his body resorts to reactive dysregulation or misbehavior. Does he have any skills and tools now that he uses to “stay present in his body?” Any mindfulness or breathing practices? He’d need to recognize within himself when his body is becoming dysregulated (he’s gonna have to learn this at some point), but if he could do that, then express himself calmly, what tremendous opportunities those would become to celebrate his growth. Meeting with his school team ahead of time might get them on “his side” to help him develop these skills. Meeting ahead of time with the principal or lead administrator to describe the type of teacher he would most benefit from would be appropriate. Maybe I’m reading everything wrong—but you’re always approaching things appropriately and skillfully, when it comes to schooling, with both your son and his teachers when you as the parent can be as proactive, open, honest, and supportive of their efforts.
He does have mindfulness tools that I have taught him that he sometimes is able to access. He has quite good self awareness. However, it can be hard to voice needs - either because words are hard to find or because there is a feeling that others won’t welcome those words. He wants to fit it and sometimes that means bottling it up. I want him to feel a more deep sense of belonging, to truly be himself. I agree that self-advocacy is the goal. I figure I am still learning how to advocate on his behalf so that is a step along the way.
I didn't expect to have my eyes well up when I read this -- so, thanks for that. A little weeping is a sign that a door to the heart has opened. This piece reminded me of Mrs. Collins. She was my seventh and eighth grade English teacher. Things were chaotic in my home. I was not the best student and I acted out a lot of my home-life chaos. But Mrs Collins praised my writing; held meaningful conversations with me and I always encouraged me. Because of her, I kept writing, which gave me ways to express the darkness and the light inside of me. I LOVED her. And I know that she loved me.
Thank you for this exquisite piece. At the end of the day, it's love that tames the rough edges of our life -- self-love, love for others, loved by others. Gratitude, Kert.
All kids deserve a Mrs. Collins in their life, right? We would challenge ourselves to BE that person for every child—we would also look around to see which of our students weren’t experiencing that and then plan for some connection and relationship-building (sometimes, it just doesn’t click for one reason or another with any one teacher). Sometimes that adult was an office assistant, sometimes our nurse, sometimes a recess para. Like your Mrs. Collins, it just takes one.
BTW, not knowing if Mrs. Collins is still alive or not, ever consider reaching out to her out of gratitude? I can speak with authority on this—there is no greater thanks than to have a former student reach out (by card, email, call) to express heartfelt gratitude. If you have a minute, and you like the singer Adele, this will resonate: https://youtu.be/nVG7U13Y4cs?si=uG8igD1uGLCh6GtV
I wouldn't know where to begin to find Mrs. Collins. I don't know her first name and given that I'm seventy-two, she is probably in her mid to late eighties. That being said, I acknowledged her in my first book, "A Delightful Little Book On Aging," giving her the heart-felt gratitude that she deserves. Thank you for the Adele song. Big hugs.
My daughter well in school when she felt love, then excelled in classes she returned that love.
Such an enjoyable postcard Kert! 📬
That’s a great example, Marjorie, of how it is self-perpetuating…exponentially.
It truly creates magic.
Kert. As you might know I share part of your past as a long time student, teacher, principal as well as trustee, parent, grandparent and in the last stage my career, helping schools find their way forward.
I would hang your ten "manifest these" in every school, in every teacher's lounge, in every office and boardroom as a reminder to put head and heart in the right places. It's why we got in this business called education, to help children and adults develop a love of learning, for a lifetime. Thanks for sharing!
You could have just as easily written this too Gary! You have the same heart—can you imagine the school we could create if we were given the charge to create one from scratch?!? BTW, I didn’t realize I had bulleted 10 manifestations—must be some kind of Freudian thing from my Catholic past. But I like your idea! “The Ten Manifestations: Love Commandments to a Better School…For Our Kids.” Hey, that would be an excellent title for the book I’m not writing on all these.
Amusing, that 10, if I counted right. And rather than “commandments” since I shy away from “commands” maybe we could put them as “invtiations’ or put each one in the imperative voice, as in “Do this….” Or start with the action verb. Just thinking out loud from my lips to your ears..
There are some interesting new schools on the horizon not tied to the old, obsolete models. I started or helped start 3 schools partly because I believed in their vision, mission and values for kids and the community. I had a different role in each of the three, all with their respective challenges. The good thing is they are all still going strong a couple of them after 30 years.
"When a student loves their teacher, the teacher can have exceptionally high expectations, and the child will do their level best to meet them..."
This also goes parenting. When a child FEELS loved, whatever high expectations you have of them; they will do their absolute best, not to disappoint you!
Truly the greatest of all commandments, is love.
Parenting and teaching are synonymous. I think this is the premise of everything YOU write, May. So, we see this world in much the same way. Too many parents nowadays have forgotten they must also teach—instead, they are allowing too many other things to have a greater influence on their children’s lives.
You are absolutely correct Kert!
Kert - I love your illustrations. Especially loved the mic drop. I read this on my lunch break from teaching (college). I certainly agree that teaching informs my parenting, but I think parenting informs my teaching more. That is because as I compassionately see my own child's strengths and challenges and the long, slow game of learning I learn to be more compassionate and see my students more.
I had one student once who didn't meet an assignment due date and had reasons (one may interpret as excuses). When I had the hard conversation about this she broke open and shared that she was essentially educationally neglected as a child and didn't develop the skills to manage structured assignments. I personally made a pact with myself to offer more open assistance to students in the future, and she and I agreed on a new due date. Her project came completed and was amazing! I now start my courses but ensuring my students know they can approach me for support without shame. I also always let them know that I realize I am seeing one snippet of their learning journey and will hold their image in my mind in a way that allows growth.
All that aside, when I read your writing here my heart quivered and I could have cried. Can you please un-retire and immigrate to Canada? I will then enrol my son in your school and you will see him in your office regularly. His story is deeper and longer and more personal than I can write here, but he needs to be loved and seen by his teachers so he can follow his passions and know he is wonderful despite not fitting the mold that the group best supports.
Well, rarely am I as impacted by a person’s response than I am now by yours. I LOVE your own personal story of how you taught a human being rather than content. I would love to read more about that maybe in your own post—especially in how your becoming a parent changed who you are as a teacher.
And as for your words about your son, well, that’s heartbreaking. Most of those stories involve our boys too since they, and their behavior, are too often misinterpreted. His story is too familiar and was exactly the motivation I had to lead a school away from traditional punishment/discipline practices toward restorative justice practices. Which will like be a future post of mine.
Lindsay, thank you. Since it looks like we may actually get a Madam President soon, I’m probably not emigrating. But I could be hired as a consultant! My passport is up to date! LOL!
All true. (Including the Madam President please). The asynchronicity of development is challenging. He is a few years "ahead" in literacy but "behind" is some areas of social development. Some adults become all to focused on behaviour compliance and totally fail to see strengths. That being said, it is hard to show one's strengths when stressed! We've been learning at home for a couple years and there are areas of shining brilliance, but he wants to return to school. So a new task for me is to find a team that can treat him with respect, true loving respect. Perhaps I'll get them to call you ;)
“The asynchronicity of development” is so spot on accurate—for most kids too. Maybe, since he wants to return to school (which though anxiety-ridden for his parents, is a huge step toward maturity and independence for him!), this is an opportunity FOR HIM to become a leader and advocate for his own needs. You don’t mention how old he is, but I suspect, with the proper coaching, he could be given the skills and language on how best to talk with his adults to express what he needs (framed in needs, not wants) before his body resorts to reactive dysregulation or misbehavior. Does he have any skills and tools now that he uses to “stay present in his body?” Any mindfulness or breathing practices? He’d need to recognize within himself when his body is becoming dysregulated (he’s gonna have to learn this at some point), but if he could do that, then express himself calmly, what tremendous opportunities those would become to celebrate his growth. Meeting with his school team ahead of time might get them on “his side” to help him develop these skills. Meeting ahead of time with the principal or lead administrator to describe the type of teacher he would most benefit from would be appropriate. Maybe I’m reading everything wrong—but you’re always approaching things appropriately and skillfully, when it comes to schooling, with both your son and his teachers when you as the parent can be as proactive, open, honest, and supportive of their efforts.
…
All you say rings true
Your thoughts come through so clearly
I welcome your words
…
He does have mindfulness tools that I have taught him that he sometimes is able to access. He has quite good self awareness. However, it can be hard to voice needs - either because words are hard to find or because there is a feeling that others won’t welcome those words. He wants to fit it and sometimes that means bottling it up. I want him to feel a more deep sense of belonging, to truly be himself. I agree that self-advocacy is the goal. I figure I am still learning how to advocate on his behalf so that is a step along the way.