Way Beyond Their Years

Terms only lose their meaning when WE’VE lost their meaning. It’s always on us.

Jul 12, 2024

In a chat the other day with fellow Substacker and new friend

, I used a term to describe his daughter, or I thought might apply to his daughter since I haven’t met either him or his daughter. It was in reference to a note he found that his daughter had written him—I didn’t ask how old his daughter was but I guessed she was relatively young, maybe 7 or 8 years old at least at the time of the note’s creation. I surmise this because of the handwriting and attempted spelling of a word she had crossed out to rewrite (among the superpowers us teachers have, deciphering kid writing is among them—that superpower stops just short of deciphering a doctor’s scribbling, btw, which says more about the doctor that anything else).

The note read: “You are good enough.”

This, from a daughter, to her dad.

Out of the mouths or pencils of babes. I shared in our text convo we all need to find notes like that, and often. But it’s what we pursued next that initiated a wonderful conversation, through our Notes comments, that kindled some wonderful memories of some very special kids I was privileged to have known.

Because of the phrase Corey’s daughter used, which I assumed was also quite in context of what she was witnessing in her dad (something that Corey also hinted at), I shared that his daughter seemed to be an “old soul” because of her intuitive powers of observation while being able to offer up some wise advice. We fleshed out further the honorific “old soul” and wondered with each other if the use of that phrase had become clichéd to the point where we don’t even want to use the term anymore in a serious conversation. It’s a valid point and wonder—sometimes clichés highlight a certain cynicism we humans tend to have when we lose deep meanings because certain words get overused or otherwise “hijacked” for a different purpose. This can be unfortunate especially when we have no other words to describe Truth.

I thought seriously about this discussion because I have a different connection to the honorific in regards to my relationships with true Old Souls in the world. Here’s more of what I shared in this conversation which is the true reason for today’s post:

Maybe this might help get us past some unease with the cliché’d feeling of the term. Over the course of my career as a teacher and principal, and having been a part of thousands of kids lives, I became adept at spotting children who were not like their peers—early in my career, I didn’t have the words to accurately describe them. So the terms shy, introverted, reserved, and quiet, were the best I [and all other adults] could use. Concurrently, my study into spirituality and Soul woke me up to a very real phenomenon—the notion that in some people, especially some rare children, there was a wisdom that they both lived and exuded, as if they were able to both be in this world, and also be witnesses of it from a different space, depth, or altitude. That wisdom is “old soul” wisdom. It’s very real. Cliché be damned, since no other concept/language exists to describe these rare individuals. Maybe it takes one to know one, as I grew up with those same feelings, but no one gave me the words to describe myself—maybe it would have helped, maybe not. Instead, I grew up very reserved if not shy, introverted, and alone when separate from my family (though I had a lot of friends as acquaintances, I do not recall being very close to any of them).
When I discovered those kids in my midst, I made an extra special effort to take care of them—those gifts they had(have) aren’t valued in our society and not many teachers, yet, can see such gifts within and through the eyes of these students. So, those children needed support and guidance to understand what they have inside them are truly gifts the world needs. Their parents, too, sometimes needed guidance in protecting those gifts, found through the eyes and residing in the hearts, of these special children.
They undoubtedly have a connection with something deep, something ancient. And they resonate with it—it’s up to the adults in their lives to recognize this and celebrate it, then skillfully nurture it.
So the honorific “Old Soul,” though maybe not fully understood by society at large, and maybe over-applied to some who really aren’t, for those who really are, it’s like being in the living midst of ancestral beings who’ve lived long ago and who are trying to give us the help we sometimes so desperately need through these little bodies. If nurtured well, those little bodies grow into some of the most compassionate, kind, and loving people. These are my peeps.
This, I think, is the Truth.

Every single word of that response is true. In my life, as human, father, teacher, principal, and coach, I have been touched by thousands of kids whose individual life journeys intersected with mine—each one of those lives mattered, and each impacted me to various degrees. This is one of the honors and privileges of being a teacher—we get to know, work with, influence, and be influenced by, young people. And among those thousands, there are a rarified breed of little ones who are not like their peers. The carry themselves differently, they have a different energy they emit out into the world, their bearing has a certain depth and weight to it that can be felt, and their eyes have a certain knowing known only to them but that often they cannot articulate because they are either too young to understand or they haven’t been given the language to name what it is they feel within themselves. And I do believe that “old soul” children feel differently inside themselves too—which is why they need adults in their lives who can support them. Without that support, without either an Elder or fellow “old soul” to celebrate and nurture those gifts, those deep feelings might grow to become confusing, conflicting (with what the rest of the world values), and discombobulating. And without good and skillful recognition and support from others, some wicked things could potentially arise within the inner sanctum of “old soul” minds (thoughts of inadequacy, toxic shyness, self-doubt, empathic distress, and at its most tragic extreme, sometimes resulting in self-harm, including suicide).

Sadly, I have personally born witness to children who have lived without learning about their inner gifts, and how to cope with and understand some of the BIG feelings that arise at times. As a result, yes, some of those children in my life self-harmed, intentionally segregated themselves from all companionship, self-medicated, and even committed suicide. That being said, self-harming behavior is NOT the fate of all Old Soul kids (not even the vast majority of them); it is also my experience that Old Soul children, in the best of circumstances, come to understand they simply see the world differently and many, if not most, come to a place of not caring about what others think about them. They have a deep knowing of their inner wisdom, because that is simply who they are.

Corey asked a wise and rhetorical question in the middle of our conversation: “Is it still a cliché if it’s true?”

And here’s where we circle ourselves back to the meaning of terms.

“Terms only lose their meaning when we’ve lost their meaning. It’s always on us.”

“…when we’ve lost their meaning.” Clichés, of course, do exist because it is a part of our human nature to sometimes over-generalize, trivialize, down-play, make fun of, or over-use words and phrases that then get lost to the inane background noise of life and notoriety—such words and phrases do, therefore, lose all meaning and context. But some shouldn’t. Some words and phrases should never succumb to such the fate of human folly. Truth should never become cliché.

In the book “Walking Each Other Home1,” by Ram Dass and Mirabai Bush, a book I was recently prompted to pick up and reread again by another dear Old Soul in my life, Ram Dass wrote: “I don’t see myself as a stroke victim. I see myself as a soul. I am not my ego; I am a soul. Or as C.S. Lewis said, ‘I don’t have a soul, I am a soul. I have a body.’” [Italics in the original]
In our hurry-scurry world of form and “must do’s,” and doings, and “must haves,” we forget our True Nature—that we are not these bodies we are renting for a very short period of time here on Earth. Or worse than a forgetting, we become apathetic to it. But not everyone is. Some take this exploration of spirit seriously; some with intention, others, like the Old Soul children in my life, come to it without words to explain or even understand it, but “become it” because they are resonating strongly “with it.”

And then among the souls Ram Dass and C.S. Lewis reference, we have the rarified “Old and Ancient” ones. “Old Souls” are true descriptors of special people. We have no other term that adequately captures their essence, although another Substack friend,

Maggie Heistand

offered another wonderfully apt descriptor: “timeless soul.” And I like that a lot, too. So much so in fact that when people start to use the descriptor “old” to describe me, even if that might be accurate (and it’s becoming more and more accurate with each new ache and pain), I’ll simply counter: “hey, I’m not old, I’m timeless!”

Old Soul children have each of these qualities as well. You CAN see it in their eyes; and because children have a hard time articulating their timelessness, their eyes always give them away!

If a parent of an Old Soul child were to ask me how to nurture the old, timeless soul within them, I would ask that they do the following:

Allow them to be exactly who they are without pressuring them to be more outgoing, or to join popular groups just because those groups are popular.
Ask them often, and sincerely, what they are thinking about. They take in a lot, much more than you think. So, with whatever seems to be happening in their world (and you better know what’s happening in their world), ask them to share their thoughts. And NEVER judge them. Let them own their thoughts and encourage them to think further, go farther, dig deeper. Explore their ideas together.
Empower them. Allow and encourage them to question you—and respond truthfully. Especially when you don’t have answers—own that for them.
When you notice their melancholic or sullen disposition, sometimes misperceived as sadness, consider that to be a time of deep reflection for them that needs to be honored and nurtured—resist attempting to cheer them up. Give them the silence and space they crave then engage with them in honest, open-ended, and open-hearted conversation.
Cultivate and encourage their quiet and alone time—but do this skillfully and in tune with what they are needing in those moments. Don’t put an iPad or Xbox controller in their hands and leave them to the devices of blue screens and eGames—YouTube, Minecraft, SuperMario, and Fortnite don’t nurture Old Souls. Give them puzzles, and books, and paper, and pencils, and blocks, and sketchpads, and journals; and their own private space where they can go to cultivate that solitude they might be craving.
Encourage outside play and exploration at their pace and in their own way. Old, timeless souls have an affinity for Nature. Mountains, trees, stones, and the ocean all speak a language that Old Soul souls can hear.
Encourage their form of play and creativity as much as you can, as often as you can. Music, the fine arts, writing/poetry, creating worlds using everyday materials—all become alchemy for their timeless lives.
Give honor and dignity to their feelings—never, ever discount or belittle ANY feeling they’re feeling. And then empower them to use their feelings to serve others by…
Teaching them how their empathy, their ability “to feel it all,” can be converted into compassionate action. Old Soul, empathic children need to be taught skillful ways of metabolizing the pains and hurts of the world they sometimes internalize.
And perhaps most importantly, show up for them fully. Listen to them, and bring your best game whenever you share their moments. Old Soul kids are more intuitive than the mass of their peer group; they know when they are in competition with something else for your attention. You can’t “fake it” with Old Soul kids.